When Quintin and I first saw Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners in The Triffid beer garden earlier this year, we were captivated by the rockabilly ricocheting guitar, twin-turbo drumming style, and reverberating bass lines, all with just the tiniest hint of country blues punk. The zesty topper was the playful lyrics made all the better by a bespoke low-tech mic (super-secretly configured). It drew my interest faster than the speed of light to buy a sick Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners t-shirt.
I would like to preface this by saying that I’m not stalking their frontman Jorge… Well maybe just a little bit! He is after all, a skater extraordinaire, photographer, videographer, musician, and just bloody talented all around really. But anyways, the week before last, I ended up seeing him in one way or another four days in a row.
On the Thursday, it was Viagra Boys; a gig that biologically reshaped my DNA. Who is running the front bar all night and receives a shoutout by name from C.O.F.F.I.N frontman Benny Portnoy? No prizes for guessing: “Thank you, Tivoli staff and Jorge, for tonight”. The next night, Quintin and I were at a mixed bill show at The Bearded Lady and who do we see out the front, ready to support the bands? Yep, you guessed it!
That weekend, I managed to catch Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners twice. They played Sam Faulkner of DAD FIGHT’s birthday bash on the Saturday and on the Sunday, they supported A Prison Affair at The Brightside. At that point, I reckoned that the universe was practically handing me the opportunity on platter, so it was there in our old haunt of the Brighty beer garden that I managed to sit down with the band to ask them Five Quickfire Questions!
Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners are:
- Jorge ‘Mad Dog’ Tichbon: Guitar, vox
- Ryan ‘Mad DAAAWG’ Keys: Drums, backing vox
- Alice ‘Ravin’ Mad’ Klump: Bass, backing vox
OB: Five Quickfire Questions with Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners. Oh, that works really well actually with that play on words!
1. What are some slow burning Crimes worth getting away with?
Alice: Trying to get a bag of [redacted] into The Brightside, but having it taken off you on entering. Gahhhh!
Ryan: Only it didn’t work!
(Alice and I have decided to keep you guessing, what was in the bag. Was it a pair of nun chucks? An assortment of dog treats? Signed photos of Michael Bublé? Motorbike chains? Something green and organic? You decide, but we’ll keep you informed of how events unfold.)
Jorge: I probably should have run away from that bloody mongrel Council worker that gave me an $800 fine for having my dog off the leash the other day. (groan)
OB: Oh no! He obviously didn’t know that your dog is a super star.
Jorge: No, well I’m just glad he didn’t bite him, as I was about to bite the cunt!
(All have a little demonic giggle)
OB: And what is your dog’s name?
Jorge: Frog.
OB: Frog! That’s so cool. Frogstrap?
(We hum “They didn’t know you had a Frogstrap hidden underneath your coat, Frogstrap I-I-I-Infiltrator!”)
Jorge: Yeah, something like that.
OB: Ryan, do you have a slow burning crime?
Ryan: I’m into misdemeanours, and jaywalking, checking my phone while driving, all those sorts of things.
OB: I was saying this in another interview, why is jaywalking a finable offence still? I thought it was only in Melbourne.
Ryan: There’s plenty of cops up here that will.
OB: But don’t we get taught that shit in primary school, how to safely cross a road?
Jorge: I have to hold Ryan’s hand some days to do it. (giggles)
OB: That’s all drummers, mate!
2. If Rock ‘N’ Roll Ruined Your Life, who are the main culprits you blame for influencing each of you.
Jorge: Being someone that is recently going through sobriety this year, that it is entirely… my fault! (all laugh with Jorge)
OB: That is a good and sincere response.
Ryan: And Vinnies giving us free drinks.
OB: Ah Vinnies with the free drinks, that will do it.
Alice: I’m young, hasn’t happened yet. Rock ‘n roll hasn’t ruined my life yet, but there’s still time, I’m still young!
Jorge: We must protect her! (all laugh again)
OB: So, it might be the present company then?
Alice: No, they are the responsible ones!
3. It’s a Dog Eat Dog World out there. Jorge, your pooch is already a bit of a superstar and we have discussed his low-level crime spree, what about Ryan and Alice, can we expect your dogs to make a cameo on some clips too?
Ryan: Yeah, I have a working Border Collie named Ned. Yeah, he’s bananas, just like his old man.
Alice: They’re not my dogs, but I take care of my mum’s dogs. One of the is called Fish, which I think is pretty good because of Frog and Fish and the other one is Sage. They’re pretty cute, but they are divas.
OB: Nice! So, are we going to see like a group action shot with them all together?
Jorge: Oh yeah, we have done a photoshoot with them, not all of them but it’s cool as.
(Check out the About Artist profile pic on Spotify to see Frog, Ned, and Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners. It is cuteness overload!)
OB: We discussed Jorge’s dog’s crimes…
Jorge: Yeah, but he is such a good boy, he means well.
Ryan: Just like his dad!
OB: And referring to the CHEAP-SKATE video clip, everyone loves that! Watching it I was like “Oh that’s Jorge, sick, with mad skills”.
Jorge: Anything to help out my mate Blaike Murphy in CHEAP-SKATE, he is such a cool dude.
OB: Yeah, he is.
(Speaking of CHEAP-SKATE, Jorge and Frog are the main stars of the music video for their latest single, Grow Up/ Nic Sick. It has all the yummy surf punk goodness that CHEAP-SKATE typically deliver, like a boogie board in a Bali airport, and is brought to life by a dashing fella skating and living his best life with his good pooch by his side)
4. Tell me have you ever had to do a Walk of Shame at a gig? Or come close?
Ryan: (laughing) Iron and Resin hey?
Jorge: Iron and Resin… Yeah so, the last day that I drank was at Iron and Resin garage, when we played there, and it was the first time we performed Rock ’N’ Roll Ruined My Life. And the only words I could remember from the song was just “Rock ‘N’ Roll”! And the rest of the words are just like… in the title of the song! I was just butchering the song so bad, I ended up just putting my guitar down and sat on a milk crate, while I watched the rest of the band finish the song. And yeah, I just sat there drinking more and more beers!
OB: Wow! And no judgements, I’ve done worse. What is that other song you have about Self-Depreciation?
Jorge: Ahh, that is also about that occasion! (Ryan and Alice laugh) All these songs are just a snap shot of just before I quit drinking. Like I don’t know, it’s more a self-reflection of that time in my life. Now those songs still resonate with me, because I’m looking back at that time.
OB: Yeah, and you’re still having fun doing it and you don’t need alcohol to enjoy the good times.
Jorge: Yeah, not all the time.
Ryan: Sometimes, but not all the time.
OB: I respect that and your honesty to talk about it. Takes strength to do that and act on it. I did sobriety for two and a half years so I get that.
Jorge: Oh true, thanks man I appreciate it.
5. Jorge, I know you like Speedn on anything with wheels, from skateboards to motorbikes. If you had your own motorbike gang made up of musicians alive or dead who is in the gang?
Jorge: I do keep changing that song title to I Ain’t Slowing Down. But yeah, I keep changing the song titles all the time. I guess what ends up on the tape, we’ll just print it as that.
OB: I wrote these questions off the set list from last night’s show, I now have it in my set list photo album.
Ryan: Ah, nice, nice.
Jorge: I saw you pick that up, I had to write another one today because of you, ya bastard! (Alice laughs)
OB: Oh, I’m going to blame Quintin for doing it ha-ha-ha!
(Thanks Quintin, these things appreciate faster than Bitcoin)
Ryan: Well to answer your question about the motorbike gang. They are all sitting right here at this table mate! Ha-ha-ha.
Jorge: Alice wants a moped but.
Alice: I think my mum would have a heart attack if I got a motorbike license. I don’t think she’d ever relax.
OB: Rock n’ roll ruined your life!
(All three members break into a two-stroke motorbike imitation which I hope this stays as a before act warm up together, complete with hand motions and squished up faces. The Brightside PA then starts playing Viagra Boys Frogstrap, impeccable timing given the earlier discussion)
Jorge: Well, my mum has a Harley, she is in it (the gang). She is part of the reason that inspired the motorbike obsession that I have, and the themes of the band, watching her ride bikes around.
Ryan: It would be pretty cool to ride a bike with Harley Davidson.
All: Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ryan: He would have to be in that gang.
OB: Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man?
Ryan: Yeah! Harley Davidson himself.
OB: What about the C.O.F.F.I.N boys, do they ride?
Jorge: Costy does yeah.
OB: Oh, he’d have to be in it. He has got the look for sure too, and such a lovely bloke.
Jorge: Some of those boys might as well be motorbikes too, they’re absolute machines!
(Editor’s Note: Funnily enough, despite the question and repeated assertions that they started a rock ‘n roll band for the sole purpose of experiencing enough success to get brand new second-hand motorbikes, none of the members of Fast Johnny currently own a bike. For now, maybe they could hijack some of those e-scooters you find as a tripping hazard on the footpath and take out the speed limiters on them?)
Fast Johnny and The Slow Burners tore it up that night and Alice got her bag of antique switchblades, gold bullion, and motorbike oil back from the seccies, at least that what I think that’s what she said. Keep your eyes peeled for their forthcoming debut EP. Let’s celebrate it by popping monos up Brunswick Street when it’s released!
